Devotion

Hey y'all (if there are any of you)! I've been a busy little worker bee lately and when I haven't been working, I've been reading a lot of articles. I've put my beloved memoirs down for a while to explore the more concise non-fictional world of magazine articles. While staying faithful to Elle and Harper's Bazaar and continuing to absorb everything I can from Runner's World, I've ventured into Newsweek and Psychology Today. I really wish the Borders would sell New York Magazine too, but I guess that can remain a special travel treat. Back to the subject at hand. I'm going to share some intriguing points made in this article in March's Harper's Bazaar. Now that I'm so fascinated with some of the articles I read, I'll be sharing them a lot!

"The New Marital Boundaries"

It's hard being a "traditional" or "old fashioned" woman in the world today. Besides, what does "old fashioned" mean now that those lines have been blurred over so many decades? I tend to consider myself more of a "traditional" girl, showing my affection through acts of nurturing and wanting to be treated with an enormous amount of respect as a lady, feeling protected and cared for. In today's world where both men and women are career-focused, iPhone-wielding, constantly-connected, socially-networked individuals, the sense of true relationship togetherness is often overlooked.

I venture to say that each person's idea of a relationship is a fair bit different from the next in these more modern times. Each couple's relationship is not to be compared to another because, after all, they aren't comparable. What works for some, doesn't work for others. I can slice it and dice it many different ways, but the fact is that no two people or couples are alike. That being said, I think there are some basic ground rules in most relationships that establish a sense of safety.

This is where I think communication and honesty come in. I believe that if two people are open and honest with each other about everything and anything, including all of the mundane things that go on during the average day, they breed an atmosphere of comfort. I'm not saying anyone should have to give an itinerary of their day, but if a person were to talk about their interactions without being asked how their day went, there's an openness that builds trust from the start.

Maybe I'm getting off point here, but the article is about the "new" marital boundaries. For example, one woman expressed how her content husband has been known to flirt, but because he expresses a deep devotion to their marriage, she never gets jealous. It touches on how it's possible to remain committed while accepting the "flatlining of passion and romance" that long-time marriages face and how that commitment remains strong because of a mutual devotion.

The author acknowledges that the urge to control a spouse as well as the urge to cheat stems from a lack of closeness in the relationship. "Feeling insecure and threatened by another woman--or, conversely, feeling drawn toward another man beyond the enjoyable innocent fantasy--indicates that something is amiss in the union itself, something that needs addressing; the other person is often not the point."

"If there's a rift in the marriage--if someone feels neglected, frustrated, tempted by others, or unsure--then trouble can easily arise."
The point that makes the clearest sense to me: "Even secure, nonpossessive spouses want primacy with each other." There's a closeness and a bond that can't be divided when each spouse knows they're #1. In those relationships, opposite-sex friendships aren't threatening and don't result in resentment. A sense of devotion goes a long way in my eyes, mind, and heart.

She ends with..."It gives me immense pleasure to be trustworthy, faithful, and true, to have the kind of romantic bond that inspires this.

I've never felt more boring or been happier."

I really enjoyed this article because I believe in the theory. She admitted to being guilty of bad behavior in her past relationships, but has a renewed sense of what it means to truly be together. In time and all else, when a person's the priority of another, there's safety and trust...requited devotion.