Another decade passes and a lot of shit went down.

I'm finally old enough, not that I'm excited about it, to remember all of the monumental moments of an entire decade of time. Whoa. Ten whole years just went by and it seems pretty damn quick looking back. In 1999, I was a sophomore/junior in high school turning 16, living at home, playing basketball most of the time, and smoking weed and drinking vodka the rest of the time. What the hell did I know about anything? Now at the end of 2009, I've lived in 5 states, graduated high school and college, became a CPA, watched my parents divorce, added a new stepmom and 2 new siblings to my family, made friends from all over the country, had the hots for euro-dudes, been a stepmom, been a military "spouse", bought a house, been pierced 4 times and gotten 3 tattoos, and so on and so on. That transition from teenager in high school to working adult has been a wild one. I watched my world grow up around me and shit have things changed.

When I was just a wee little tike, VCR's were new and my parents still played vinyl records. Answering machines with little tapes were your only option if you wanted to know who called. I sat on the console of a corvette or some other muscle car, on the floor of a race car, or on a harley. We've now gone through cassette tapes and CD's. We did the cordless phone thing with the automatic message lady. We started wearing seatbelts. What hasn't changed since then? So much happened between my birth and the new millennium and I was too young to keep track.Now it's the start of another new decade, but this time there's no fear of Y2K. We can rest easy knowing that the internet and everything digital isn't going to blow up. The host of the house party where you'll be celebrating probably won't shut off power at midnight sending the house full of drunken teenagers into a panic. Things have changed.

In my opinion, the most significant happenings of the decade are 9/11 and other terrorist attacks around the globe sending the world into paranoia and war. Coming to mind are things like anthrax and shoe bombers not to mention the deaths and injuries of countless American Troops. Deployments to fight the war on terror have hit home in the most personal way. After 9/11 and tempted attacks, it's hard to remember what it was like walking a loved one to their

departure gate or surprising another when they arrive at their gate. Then li

quids were banned and ziploc bags at security checkpoints became a staple. Terrorism, war and lost lives, and airport security. Those things could easily define the decade. My hope is that they won't define the next.

Natural disasters have been a plenty. There have been massive tsunamis and earthquakes in the East. We experienced a hurricane named Katrina that nearly wiped a US city off the map. After 2005, Katrina's not the prettiest name.

We elected George W. Bush as a president after the closest election in history. Way to kick off a decade. Based on that decision, I was baffled when we had a woman and a black

man battling to win the democratic nomination. In this decade, and thankfully my lifetime, a black man has been elected the President of the United States. Other political breakthroughs include the legalization of same-sex marriage for the first time in 2004. Then we experienced a global financial collapse and government bailouts and all around panic. I guess I should also mention that there's now such thing as The Governator. Don't even get me started on Sarah Palin. Quite the decade for politics.

Technology has an entirely new meaning. We have DVDs and now Blurays and why did we ever have to live without digital cable or DVRs?!?! Remember having to sit and watch the TV guide channel? Torture. Cell phones have come a long way. A cell phone can now be your phone, camera, video camera, computer, stereo, and instant messenger. Don't you remember that Ginuwine song, Two-Way? Yeah...the first texting and it was a pager, not a cell phone. The internet has transformed into something completely indispensable. I'm blogging, one, I can share my blog on Facebook, two, and even attach videos from YouTube, three. I don't have dial-up AOL, but high-speed cable internet that I use on my iMac rather than a Dell. Let us not forget about the technology advances in the music world. I don't know if I had started downloading music for free on Napster to burn CDs by the end of the last decade, but now I buy songs on iTunes or Amazon and load them onto my iPod. Technology these days has done away with VCRs, tape players, phone books, checkbooks, fax machines, and countless other things of the past.

Obviously there are other random milestones of the decade such as the Harry Potter phenomenon, our first American Idol in 2002, Botox, the write-off of Pluto as a planet, the Enron scandal, the Chappelle Show, the Office, and other things like Red Bull and Free Credit Reports. We also lost people special to the world such as Bernie Mac, Aaliyah, Dale Earnhardt, Heath Ledger, and even Michael Jackson. It seems the world is both advancing and tearing itself apart at lighting speed.

I'm sure there are things I've missed, but so much has happened in my life and the world around me that it's hard to keep a tally. If all of that happened in the last decade, I can't imagine what this next one's going to bring. Any predictions? Flying cars, life on another planet, the Jetson's robot maids, the obsoletion of paper? I just hope that I won't have to see the extinction of Penguins thanks to another one of the last decade's terms: Global Warming. Personally, I'm hoping it brings me strength and stability, marriage, children, and maybe a new career. Yikes! Good thing we have seatbelts and airbags now. I have a damn good feeling I'll need them.

2010: Handle with care. Fragile contents.

Is it just me or has 2009 been the worst year in the history of life? It's been quite the crazy decade for that matter. Thankfully, I know a couple people who have had a decent year. I sure haven't. I've been chewed up and spit out and I'm hoping a fresh start to 2010 will give me some motivation to put myself back together again. From start to finish, this year has been awful. Absolutely devastating and life altering. At the end of this calendar year, I'm living alone in Colorado filled with hatred and distrust for pretty much everyone, my sister's moving back home thanks to a year of roommate drama, my best friend's still working through her divorce, my dad's slowly getting vision back after his stroke, and my mom finally got a job after being laid off. You can thank me for the brief pity party. I guarantee you that I could go on and in more detail, but what's the use at this point? What's done is done and what happened will leave a lasting effect on the rest of the years to come.

I guess my mom's new job and increased salary is a plus for the year. Let's see, I know there are a few more positives. Jaclyn has a good boyfriend who loves her to pieces. My dad got married in Vegas so we had a nice family vacation in Sin City. I got to visit Indiana, California, and South Carolina to spend time with amazing friends. I spent a lot of therapeutical time back home in Washington. I ran 6 races and hiked a 14er. Although it was forced, I also have a newfound appreciation for having alone time. Through all of the hardships, I guess I've learned some tough lessons. I think it's too soon to understand what they are, but I'm sure they're there. I'm just hoping there's a hardship max out point or at least some time in between.

In 2010, I want a fresh start. I can't reset my life and now I know I have no control over most things that happen. All I can do is stay strong, motivated, and turn my anger into some sort of positive actions. This year, I can look forward to finishing another tough audit in March, possibly going to Cancun if I finish in time, working with new people, going to Vegas for a bachelorette party, getting the fuck out of Colorado, starting completely over, being in my friend's wedding, running my ass off, and plenty of other productive happenings.

With that, good riddance 2009! You really sucked and I hate everything you represent. If I had my way, I'd erase you from my memory but, unfortunately, you left scars that will never fully heal. You're a bitch and can go straight to hell and get fucked. Hey, you've been warned about the hatred part.

This next year, I'm hoping I can use my war wounds to my advantage. My resolution, and I don't make those, is to start off on my refreshed, positive, and motivated journey through the next stages of my life. Hopefully a new attitude will diminish my desire to be in an emotionally stunted intoxicated coma. I'm closing the book and reaching for a new one. The first few chapters are going to be rocky, necessarily callused, and full of internal battles, but thanks to a lot of effort and persistence, there will be a happy ending. There has to be.

Hi 2010. My name is Jasmine. It's nice to meet you.

I'll tell him where to put his presents!!

This is hilarious! Don't ask me how I found it. I won't be able to tell you! It's perfect for Christmas 2009...

Musically Emo

I guess you could say I'm a tad "Emo", which is a term I had Jaclyn define for me last night. I'm apparently "Emo" in the sense that I'm emotional and listen to really deep music that brings out that emotional me. My opinion is that the best lyrics are thought-provoking and meaningful. Let's face it, Elliott Smith, Tupac, and Tim McGraw all have something in common. Their lyrics are their poetry, their thoughts and beliefs, and their lives and experiences told as stories for our ultimate benefit. I appreciate all types of expressing those lyrics including the occasional yell over guitars and intense bass. I'm defenseless to heart string tugs.

While playing my iTunes on random, I was pleasantly reminded of one of those songs that I could listen to over and over appreciating every single word and respecting the courage and depth required to express those words.

I'm having a Charlie Brown Christmas.

Just like Charlie Brown, I like giving and receiving gifts, sending cards, decorating, and listening to Christmas music. Just like Charlie Brown, I'm feeling sad.

For my first Christmas as a single girl living alone, staying in Colorado, my dad sent my sister to spend the holiday with me in an effort to ward off any of that inevitable Christmas depression I'd be feeling after the year I've had. I haven't spent Christmas at home since 2005, but Jaclyn's never been away from home for the holiday. I used that as an excuse to buy a tree and new ornaments, decorate my apartment, and hang lights on my balconies. It's only fair that I make it feel like Christmas for her. To get in the spirit, I started streaming Sounds of the Season and sent out Christmas cards with pictures of Brutus (yes, apparently I've become that woman at far too young of an age). I baked and I attended a holiday party and I went to my friend's family's Christmas. I bought fancy wrapping paper to wrap one gift for a friend's daughter because I love making people smile. Unfortunately, I couldn't do much else this year as 2009 has been quite an asshole to my wallet. I even bought a gift for a friend's dog. I've tried. Still, just like Charlie Brown, I can't shake that down-in-the-dumps feeling. I should be giggling with my sister and playing in the snow and baking cookies. The truth is, I'd rather be drunk. I've spent more of this break being hungover than being cheerful. I'm being self-destructive. What the hell is wrong with me?

How can I be sad? My dad gave my sister and I the gift of spending our first Christmas together in years, I'm not working my ass off like I was last year, our parents sent us boxes of wrapped gifts to open on Christmas, I've received Christmas cards and a gift from a friend, and it's a completely white Christmas here in Colorado. Maybe it's that regardless of these wonderful things, this time last year I never would have thought I'd be spending a Christmas like this. I had an idea of what all my future Christmases would be like and this is definitely not what I had in mind. I realize that it could be so much worse and I should stop feeling like this. I have family, a roof over my head, food in my fridge, and an entire closet of prized possessions to keep me warm. That makes me a total jackass for being sad, doesn't it? I realize that. I just feel like I need something I don't have.

Dear Santa,

For Christmas this year, I would only like one thing. I had this thing, but I lost it somewhere and can't seem to find it no matter how hard I look. I hope this isn't too much to ask, but there isn't anything else I can think of that I want or need. Charlie Brown found it, but I haven't been so lucky. For Christmas this year, I'd really like...Inspiration. I don't know where else to turn, Santa. Please help.

With all of my Christmas Love,

Jasmine

Muffin-top Capital of the United States...maybe...

First of all, for those of you who are unaware, muffin-top is a slang term used to describe "the phenomenon of overhanging flesh when it spills over the waistline of pants or skirt in a manner that resembles the top of a muffin spilling over its paper casing." It usually happens when an overweight person wears low-rise pants or belly shirts, but also happens when a thin person wears pants that just don't fit. Refer to the image below for reference:

Now that you know what a muffin-top is in the form I will be using it, I can tell you my story.


It was a semi-blistery Friday night in Denver where my sister and I attended a concert of the hip-hop variety. That's when I got thinkin'. Since living in Colorado, I haven't been out anywhere like this and definitely not out anywhere on Colfax. Let's just say the only time I ever get to experience any type of diversity is when I'm back home in Tacoma. I will still contend that nothing beats the Tacoma mall. Where else does a completely pimped out reverend dude gather up all of the rentable strollers? And big groups of teenagers walking around wearing Dora the Explorer backpacks that match their Air Force Ones? We can agree that there are shootings in the parking lots of many malls, but I've never been to a mall that beats out the pinnacle shopping haven in Tacoma. Now being from Tacoma, I obviously embrace diversity and feel it's a breath of fresh air after my time in Orange County, Newport, RI, the outskirts of Boulder, CO, and the plentiful locations in-between. I can't say the people-watching has been that great lately. Going back home and taking the nephew to Chuck E. Cheese's on 48th definitely brings that back-home feeling that I don't get when I'm at the one down the street from where I live now. So you get my drift, right? I finally got to experience the diversity of Denver. Loved every second of that comfortable old feeling, but had to make an observation.


An end to the similarities between my concert in Denver and a concert of the same sort in Tacoma is this...muffin-tops. Maybe I'm bias but there aren't nearly as many girls/women that can't buy a decent fitting pair of pants in Tacoma (maybe it's the obsession with working out and doing drugs?). I'm going to have to say it was completely absurd and extremely amusing being a fly on the wall at this concert. We didn't notice until we were sitting on the counter in the bathroom between artists. Even better was that it was the bathroom right behind stage and next to the crowd of wanna-be groupies anxiously waiting for their chance to show off their home-grown belly inner-tubes to whichever dude would pay attention. Let me tell you what, there was no better people-watching location in the world at that very moment. Not one female that walked into that bathroom was wearing an article of clothing that fit. Some were very good at making it seem like it though, wrapping one of those tacky wide belts around her waste to hide whatever was under there. Yikes. There were tight leggings with see-through tops exposing Michelin Man-esque midsections. There were women wearing jeans that couldn't have possibly belonged to them, but hopefully to their younger sisters. It was seriously muffin-topville. I didn't have any business being there wearing a lump-less dress and neither did Jaclyn who was actually in jeans...that fit. Is that a little snobby of me? Sure, but at the same time...I spend a lot of money on my jeans so I make damn sure those babies fit. Also a stuck-up thing to say but I'm just making observations here, not judgments.


Following the ladies who couldn't even walk in their stilettos (also a damn shame), we returned to the concert with a newfound appreciation for girl-watching in Denver. Seeking another mini break from the shoulder-to-shoulder, obnoxiously young crowd, we found a nice spot on the steps. Ironically, it just happened to be next to some back stage/below the venue groupie entrance. How could we get so lucky?This time, though, the artists were there and when they weren't trying to peek at my phone while I was uploading pics of muffin-tops to Facebook, they were being courted by the sea of them. Lucky guys. There was never any shortage of amusement and I enjoyed every minute of it. Check out this picture, for instance...
All red denim outfit, flared jeans too small and too short, halter top in all its glory. What's being exposed at the center? A muffin-top for the world to see. My guess is that she didn't need that belt, but she thought it "added" to the outfit.


The bottom line in this story is that of all the places I've been in this country (a lot), Denver so far is the Muffin-top Capital of the United States. You take the crown, Mile High City. Keep buying those pants a few sizes too small and I'll be there to take it all in, for a few more months at least.


Tacoma, keep staying thin, even if that means keeping up the endless hours on the elliptical paired with your cigarette and coke habits. Would you rather be cokehead party girls or female Pillsbury dough boys? Tough call.



Need an example? Look ----->

From zombie to ray of sunshine? Not so fast...

For the week of December 10, The Boulder Weekly's genius astrologer or whatever you call them has written the following about myself and other cancers: "So how are you doing with your year-long resurrection project, Cancerian? Have you been taking care of the finishing touches these past few weeks? If not, do so soon. It’s high time for you to officially and definitively rise from the dead. Your wandering in the underworld is at an end. Your mourning for broken dreams should be complete. In January, the age of exploration will begin; make sure your reborn spunk is ready for action by then."

How's that for a kick in the ass? Stop your bitching, you whiny, dark and twisty broad, you. As a nice follow up to last week's, I guess I'm supposed be getting up now and getting up for good. This horoscope is also pretty bad ass like the last one because it comes at a time when I think I might be doing just that, which is another reason why these things are blowing my mind.

Yes, it is true that I've been mourning broken dreams for about a year now. I've absolutely been mourning the loss of something so dear to my heart that I never thought I'd recover. I've gone through denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and now I think I might be at the beginning of acceptance. I still feel all of the other stages rising up from time to time, but I can't resist the inevitable. I can no longer deny myself the opportunity to make peace. I'd like to think that throughout this process I was in and out of the underworld, though, rather than having been dead the entire time, but maybe that's just my ego giving itself a boost.

They also say that a cancer can hold a grudge for a lifetime. Knowing myself all too well, I can confirm this to be true. I'm afraid I don't have the tools I need to ultimately make peace. I've been so driven by the anger that comes from betrayal and disappointment that it's just easier for me to hold a grudge. Maybe I need to dive into some self-help books about acceptance, right?

On a positive note, what do you think this whole "age of exploration" could mean? I'm anxiously waiting for what's next and patiently hoping that all that spunk will be reborn sooner than later. I know it's in there brewing. Maybe the exploration pertains to self-realization and a new found confidence in myself that will open doors for new opportunities and new outlooks on life. Let's hope. With the death of all of those plans for the future, the security and comfort, comes the birth of a completely unknown world without any plans, security, or comfort. That's just plain scary. I guess I might just have to trade my cynicism for a positive outlook more often. Aren't those relentlessly positive people so annoying, though?

I feel a transformation is in the works. Maybe not to the extent of this happy little worker bee to the left, but stay tuned.

Is it really in the stars?

Lately, I've been looking anywhere I can for answers, including my horoscope. I'd never claim that I know a thing about astrology and how the moons entering some sort of constellation have anything to do with what's happening in my life, but maybe it's true.

Today, I went to lunch at a yummy sandwich shop in Longmont, CO and picked up a copy of The Boulder Weekly while patiently waiting for my 5" turkey and swiss. Browsing through concert lineups and ads for marijuana dispensaries, I finally reached the horoscope page for the week ending 12/11/09. It read, "Lately you remind me of a person Robert Hass describes in his poem "Time and Materials": "someone falling down and getting up and running and falling and getting up." I'm sending you my compassion for the times you fall down, and my admiration for the times you get up, and my excitement for the times you run. It has probably become clear to you by now that falling down isn't a shameful thing to be cursed, but rather is an instrumental part of the learning process that is teaching you marvelous secrets about getting back up and running."



If you only knew the intimate details of the ups and downs caused by the curse of 2009 and the last couple of months in particular, you'd be as fascinated as I was. I am definitely that person who keeps falling and getting back up and so on, but rather than just falling, I'd say that I've been getting knocked down an awful lot. Getting back up and running has been increasingly challenging. How much can one little lady take, right? I'm not sure who this person is sending me compassion, admiration, and excitement, but thank you. I've looked wherever I could to find this kind of enlightenment, but nothing has hit me quite like this horoscope.



I've tried to find the humor and irony in each time I've "fallen" and at this point it's really just becoming too much not to laugh. Of course, it's more of a "Really life?" kind of humor and only occurs some time after the initial fall. Maybe that's one of the secrets to getting back up and running again. A marvelous secret? Not so sure yet. I will, though, be reading this horoscope repeatedly in an effort to gain some perspective when I feel defeated from the next fall. Let's hope there won't be one. At least, by now, I'm prepared and have some practice getting up.



On another note, is Karma real? How long does it take to work? I'm trying to be patient....