First of all, for those of you who are unaware, muffin-top is a slang term used to describe "the phenomenon of overhanging flesh when it spills over the waistline of pants or skirt in a manner that resembles the top of a muffin spilling over its paper casing." It usually happens when an overweight person wears low-rise pants or belly shirts, but also happens when a thin person wears pants that just don't fit. Refer to the image below for reference:
Now that you know what a muffin-top is in the form I will be using it, I can tell you my story.
It was a semi-blistery Friday night in Denver where my sister and I attended a concert of the hip-hop variety. That's when I got thinkin'. Since living in Colorado, I haven't been out anywhere like this and definitely not out anywhere on Colfax. Let's just say the only time I ever get to experience any type of diversity is when I'm back home in Tacoma. I will still contend that nothing beats the Tacoma mall. Where else does a completely pimped out reverend dude gather up all of the rentable strollers? And big groups of teenagers walking around wearing Dora the Explorer backpacks that match their Air Force Ones? We can agree that there are shootings in the parking lots of many malls, but I've never been to a mall that beats out the pinnacle shopping haven in Tacoma. Now being from Tacoma, I obviously embrace diversity and feel it's a breath of fresh air after my time in Orange County, Newport, RI, the outskirts of Boulder, CO, and the plentiful locations in-between. I can't say the people-watching has been that great lately. Going back home and taking the nephew to Chuck E. Cheese's on 48th definitely brings that back-home feeling that I don't get when I'm at the one down the street from where I live now. So you get my drift, right? I finally got to experience the diversity of Denver. Loved every second of that comfortable old feeling, but had to make an observation.
An end to the similarities between my concert in Denver and a concert of the same sort in Tacoma is this...muffin-tops. Maybe I'm bias but there aren't nearly as many girls/women that can't buy a decent fitting pair of pants in Tacoma (maybe it's the obsession with working out and doing drugs?). I'm going to have to say it was completely absurd and extremely amusing being a fly on the wall at this concert. We didn't notice until we were sitting on the counter in the bathroom between artists. Even better was that it was the bathroom right behind stage and next to the crowd of wanna-be groupies anxiously waiting for their chance to show off their home-grown belly inner-tubes to whichever dude would pay attention. Let me tell you what, there was no better people-watching location in the world at that very moment. Not one female that walked into that bathroom was wearing an article of clothing that fit. Some were very good at making it seem like it though, wrapping one of those tacky wide belts around her waste to hide whatever was under there. Yikes. There were tight leggings with see-through tops exposing Michelin Man-esque midsections. There were women wearing jeans that couldn't have possibly belonged to them, but hopefully to their younger sisters. It was seriously muffin-topville. I didn't have any business being there wearing a lump-less dress and neither did Jaclyn who was actually in jeans...that fit. Is that a little snobby of me? Sure, but at the same time...I spend a lot of money on my jeans so I make damn sure those babies fit. Also a stuck-up thing to say but I'm just making observations here, not judgments.
Following the ladies who couldn't even walk in their stilettos (also a damn shame), we returned to the concert with a newfound appreciation for girl-watching in Denver. Seeking another mini break from the shoulder-to-shoulder, obnoxiously young crowd, we found a nice spot on the steps. Ironically, it just happened to be next to some back stage/below the venue groupie entrance. How could we get so lucky?This time, though, the artists were there and when they weren't trying to peek at my phone while I was uploading pics of muffin-tops to Facebook, they were being courted by the sea of them. Lucky guys. There was never any shortage of amusement and I enjoyed every minute of it. Check out this picture, for instance...
All red denim outfit, flared jeans too small and too short, halter top in all its glory. What's being exposed at the center? A muffin-top for the world to see. My guess is that she didn't need that belt, but she thought it "added" to the outfit. The bottom line in this story is that of all the places I've been in this country (a lot), Denver so far is the Muffin-top Capital of the United States. You take the crown, Mile High City. Keep buying those pants a few sizes too small and I'll be there to take it all in, for a few more months at least.
Tacoma, keep staying thin, even if that means keeping up the endless hours on the elliptical paired with your cigarette and coke habits. Would you rather be cokehead party girls or female Pillsbury dough boys? Tough call.
Need an example? Look ----->
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