"It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light and winter in the shade."

Charles Dickens

.:Loss:.

"The only education in grief that any of us ever gets is a crash course. Until the loss, I had belonged to that other world, the place of innocence and linear expectations, where I thought grief was a simple, wrenching realm of sadness and longing that gradually receded. What that definition left out was the body blow that loss inflicts, as well as the temporary madness, and a range of less straightforward emotions shocking in their intensity."

~ Gail Caldwell

Surrender

Surrender...
deciding to lay down the weapon and walk away from the fight
...
a way to get back all your power

...

a struggle that defines heroism

...

a complex fondness

"When she was confronted with any emotional difficulty, however slight or major, her response was to approach rather than flee. There she would stay until the matter was resolved, and the emotional aftermath was free of any hangover or recrimination. My instincts toward resolution were similar: I knew that silence and distance were far more pernicious than head-on engagement. This compatibility helped ensure that there was no unclaimed baggage between us in the years to come.

As relieved as I was that day by the conversation, I was unnerved by my own vulnerability. It was as though we had crossed into a territory where everything mattered and that we were in it together. "Oh no," I said, half laughing but with tears in my eyes. "What is it?" she asked, concerned, and I said, "I need you.""

"Let's take the long way home" Gail Caldwell

"Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Success

Life's Treasures

"More than a few fairy tales feature the theme of characters who accidentally find a treasure. They’re not searching for treasure, don’t feel worthy of it, and aren’t fully prepared for it. They may initially not even know what they’re looking at, and see it as preposterous or abnormal or disquieting. Who could blame them if they ran away from the treasure? In order to recognize and claim it, they might have to shed a number of their assumptions about the way the world works. And they might have to clear up a discrepancy between their unconscious longings and their conscious intentions."

Being someone driven by emotions and the heart, I immediately interpret the treasure as people and love. I interpret that treasure as people with something special to give us which should be, as a result, treasured. It seems that, just as the above states, that treasure comes along when we aren't searching for it. We may have plans of our own and a vision of how we'll live our lives. We may feel defeated in a lot of ways...our experiences having left us feeling jaded and pessimistic. Regardless, it seems that little gems get placed in our paths and those gems represent something of great value.

These treasures, big or small, change our perception of life. If we can shed our assumptions and swallow our pride, we can embrace the gems that offer something special. Just as the above states, there are often discrepancies between our unconscious longings and our conscious intentions. One of my assumptions about how the world works is that we hide behind these conscious intentions too often. We develop some idea of how to live that will hopefully protect us and serve our selfish purposes. Those conscious intentions are set into place ignoring the subconscious longings we know are deep inside of us. Some of us are scared of those longings because they involve risk that could bring hurt. Unfortunately, many of us are scared of those longings not because of a fear of hurt, but the opinions of other people. However, in order to claim the treasures life drops around us, we have to shed those assumptions of how the world works and explore our subconscious longings.

Treasures can teach us. They can teach us about ourselves and about our lives. They can teach us about humanity as well as humility. That may be their contribution to our journeys. They can also provide something even greater and long-lasting. They may be a treasure to keep close to our hearts throughout our journeys. What I do know is that we'll never know their worth if we don't let our guards down to claim the treasures as our own. We may pass by our most valuable discoveries.

"Never take a person for granted. Hold every person close to your heart because you might wake up one day and realize that you've lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones."

"Ever Thine, Ever Mine, Ever Ours"

In recognition of the holiday that celebrates love and compassion, the dreamer in my heart wants to share some beautiful expressions of love and compassion. Rather than believing that Valentine's Day is a day for couples to say "I love you" in a commercial way, I feel that it's a day for all to recognize and be aware of love as the most powerful feeling there is. Recognize the emotions related to affection, attachment, interpersonal attraction, and a deep feeling of tenderly caring for another person. Be aware of romantic love as well as platonic and familial love.

"There is no remedy for love but to love more." Henry David Thoreau

I am a deep and emotional thinker who dreams of great love. Naturally, I fear the pain of repeated heartbreak, but I do believe in love at all costs even if the cost is the pain required to learn and gain strength. I don't believe in a life without the desire to feel and express love. We can't control our emotions and the things life brings our way. Choosing not to embrace those emotions and gifts is a disservice to ourselves and others. Life is about relationships and interaction. Don't let fear keep you from loving. Be free to love. Give in to love.

Coldplay "Parachutes"

In a haze, a stormy haze

I'll be 'round, I'll be loving you always

Always

Here I am and I'll take my time

Here I am and I'll wait in line

Always, always

Napoleon Bonaparte to Josephine De Beauharnais - Paris - December 1795:

I wake filled with thoughts of you. Your portrait and the intoxicating evening which we spent yesterday have left my senses in turmoil.

Sweet incomparable Josephine, what a strange effect you have on my heart!
Are you angry?
Do I see you looking sad? Are you worried? ...
My soul aches with sorrow, and there can be no rest for your lover; but is there still more in store for me when, yielding to the profound feelings which overwhelm me, I draw from your lips, from your heart a love which consumes me with fire? Ah! it was last night that I fully realized how false an image of you your portrait gives!

You are leaving at noon; I shall see you in three hours. Until then, mio dolce amor, a thousand kisses; but give me none in return, for they set my blood on fire.
Bonaparte

Neil Young "Like A Hurricane"

You are like a hurricane

There's a calm in your eye

And I'm getting blown away

To somewhere safer

Where the feeling stays

I want to love you

but I'm getting blown away.

I am just a dreamer

but you are just a dream.

Mark Twain to his future wife, Olivia Langdon - May 12, 1869:

Out of the depths of my happy heart wells a great tide of love and prayer for this priceless treasure that is confided to my life-long keeping.

You cannot see its intangible waves as they flow towards you, darling, but in these lines you will hear, as it were, the distant beating of the surf.

Persian icon of passion and love over seven centuries ago, wrote:

The children of Adam are limbs of one body

Having been created of one essence.

When the calamity of time afflicts one limb

The other limbs cannot remain at rest.

If you have no sympathy for the troubles of others

You are not worthy to be called by the name of "man."

"Love is a condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own"

Robert A. Heinlein

John Keats to Fanny Brawne - March 1820:

I cannot exist without you - I am forgetful of every thing but seeing you again - my life seems to stop there - I see no further. You have absorb'd me. I have a sensation at the present moment as though I were dissolving

....I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for religion - I have shudder'd at it - I shudder no more - I could bemartyr'd for my religion - love is my religion - I could die for that - I could die for you. My creed is love and you are its only tenet - you have ravish'd me away by a power I cannot resist.

Psychologist Robert Sternberg's trianglular theory of love argues three components: intimacy, commitment, and passion. Intimacy is the sharing of confidences and details of personal lives and is shown in friendships and romantic love. Commitment is the expectation that the relationship is permanet. Passion and sexual attraction are shown in romantic love as well as infatuation.

Ronald Reagan to Nancy Reagan - Aboard Air Force One - March 4, 1983:

Dear First Lady

I know tradition has it that on this morning I place cards Happy Anniversary cards on your breakfast tray. But things are somewhat mixed up. I substituted a gift & delivered it a few weeks ago.

Still this is the day, the day that marks 31 years of such happiness as comes to few men. I told you once that it was like an adolescent's dream of what marriage should be like. That hasn't changed.

You know I love the ranch but these last two days made it plain I only love it when you are there. Come to think of it that's true of every place & every time. When you aren't there I'm no place, just lost in time & space.

I more than love you, I'm not whole without you. You are life itself to me. When you are gone I'm waiting for you to return so I can start living again.

Happy Anniversary & thank you for 31 wonderful years.

I love you
Your Grateful Husband

I really do believe love can conquer all. I believe it can and should conquer your 'self'. Afterall, why are we here if not to love each other and bring happiness to one another? So on this Valentine's Day, rather than focusing on the loneliness that is often brought to light during the commercial celebration of relationships, focus on the possibility of great love. Focus on the love you do feel for whomever and appreciate the love and compassion that is felt for you by whomever. First, always love yourself.

ONLY THE CONCEALED WORD IS DANGEROUS

"Some people will not tolerate such emotional honesty in communication. They would rather defend their dishonesty on the grounds that it might hurt others. Therefore, having rationalized their phoniness into nobility, they settle for superficial relationships."

"Dare to be true: nothing can need a lie: A fault, which needs it most, grows two thereby." George Herbert

"The cruelest lies are often told in silence." Adlai Stevenson

"The truth is the only thing worth having, and, in a civilized life, like ours, where so many risks are removed, facing it is almost the only courageous thing left to do." E.V. Lucas

We choose to say or don't say, show or don't show, do or don't do for our own reasons, which are typically self-serving. Out of fear, shame, pride, and simply self-preservation, we hold it in. I, myself, have become more introverted during this last year than I've ever been. I am not proud to admit that, but I'm just being honest with myself and the rest of the cyber world. Being emotionally open and often times brutally honest has always come easy to me. It's been my relief and therapy in a lot of ways. Being introverted is not in my character nor do I want it to be, but there's something that has kept me from expressing myself as I know I should. Change needs to be made here because every relationship is at stake when words and feelings go unshared.

My theory on trust is that trust can only be built through open communication. Offering information without being asked is the most effective way to build my trust, for instance. I'm sure every person is different, so I don't want to generalize it, but building trust takes a certain openness. Sharing thoughts and feelings and histories and dreams and whatever else is on your mind shows you want to be trusted. I know that some people are more open than others, but when building trust, I can't think of anything better or more effective than honesty.

Honesty to me is leaving nothing unsaid. Naturally, things will go unsaid or unshared, but it shouldn't be an intentional act. We often have a misconception that choosing not to do/say something is not an action at all. I disagree. Making a choice not to do/say is just that - a choice. It's a decision we make, whether in the forefront of our conscious or not. I don't believe in the theory that keeping something from a person protects them from the truth. Honesty is liberation. It liberates each of us from the burden that we carry and it liberates the unknowing allowing them to make decisions based on the facts. We can only make decisions using the information we are presented with. Therefore, present away because I'd like to make knowledgeable decisions. Wouldn't you?

Unspoken words create doubt, uncertainty, distrust, and hesitation. We all owe it to ourselves to self-preserve, but we also owe it to each other to be honest. What are we here for if not to make things a little easier for each other?

"The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be and when they're not, we cry."

"A half truth is a whole lie." Yiddish Proverb

"We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger." Tad Williams

"There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience." French Proverb